Christmas trees in all corners of the room were laden with strands of colored lights and giant red bobbles. Garlands of greenery were strung across the fireplace mantle and red and white poinsettia plants framed an ideal location for little bottoms to sit as children smiled for flashing cameras. I was dressed in a large red and green felt tunic complete with pom-pom balls dangling from triangles below my neck. A red apron was tied loosely over the ensemble and whenever I moved, bells would jingle from the elf hat on my head.

Miniature trains ran round and round peaceful villages on table displays, past ice-skating figurines and fluffy cotton snow. Adult train conductors in grey and white-stripped overalls sat nearby in preparations for prying fingers and careless gesturing. At 4pm, the doors to Look Park’s Garden House would open to welcome families into Santa’s Trains event and exhibit.

Just 93 miles south at Sandy Hook Elementary School, a devastatingly different scene was unfolding:

[Newtown, CT] “A man killed his mother at their home and then opened fire Friday inside an elementary school, massacring 26 people, including 20 children, as youngsters cowered in fear to the sound of gunshots reverberating through the building and screams echoing over the intercom. The 20-year-old killer, carrying at least two handguns, committed suicide at the school, bringing the death toll to 28 authorities said.” -John Christoffersen, Associated Press

The doors were open. Boys and girls trailed past with piping cups of hot chocolate and giant sugar cookies in each hand. Every child who wanted to see Santa had to recite his or her name for the friendly elves. Only after the children’s names were located in the “nice” book, were they allowed to scurry in line to speak with the big man himself. Santa made time for every boy and girl provided they arrived between the hours of 4pm and 8pm. The North Pole is a very long way away, after all.

“All 20 of the slain children were either 6 or 7 years old.” -CNN.com

Children, with mothers and fathers in tow, skipped aimlessly from one shiny new thing to another. They occupied a world of red and green wonderment; confident their guardians would produce hot chocolate, mittens and new bracelets at a moments notice. These mothers and fathers had expectations too. Expectations that their young child would grow up, make mistakes and eventually make them proud. And they also expect to be outlived by their toddling 6 year old as this is the natural way of things.

I stood next to the artificial white Christmas tree with pink lights and cupcake ornaments, overheating in my extra large elf costume. In this magical holiday display, children existed to be loved and to love in return. in this moment, nothing matters beyond the exit doors and cold December air.

“Staffers hailed as heroes- A worker who turned on the intercom, alerting others in the building that something was very wrong. A custodian who risked his life by running through the halls warning of danger. A clerk who led 18 children on their hands and knees to safety, then gave them paper and crayons to keep them calm and quiet.” -Associated Press

I have no answers for “why” the shooting and lives of 27 innocent souls were taken on Friday December 14^th. But I do know that these children are our children, America’s children. Sandy Hook is every school in every town. As a former child and future parent, I send my prayers to every family who must now fill a hole where a former loved one used to reside. We raise you up on our shoulders and hope you find some inner peace in the coming months and all the months after that.

This holiday season and every season, hug those closest to you and sent your warmth out to estranged family members, forgotten friends and complete strangers. At the end of the
day, we must go on living as if we have years and years to fill with happy memories. It is our responsibility to live for those who cannot and for those who have forgotten how to try. 

For more information, receive guidance or make a donation, visit Help for victims of Sandy Hook.